


In dreams

by kumo_is_kumo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Consolation, Dreams, Dreams vs. Reality, Feelings of Loss, Loss, M/M, No Happy Ending Fest, Romance, Unhappy Ending, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:35:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22628719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumo_is_kumo/pseuds/kumo_is_kumo
Summary: Even now, your hands are warm like in the past.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 10
Kudos: 44
Collections: No Happy Ending Fest - 2019





	In dreams

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** Self-Prompt  
>  **Prompt:** Baekhyun comes into Chanyeol's dreams repeatedly. It's all happy dreams until Chanyeol wakes up and finds out that Baekhyun will never be back alive.  
>  **Pairing/Main Character(s):** Chanyeol/Baekhyun  
>  **Word Count:** 2,037  
>  **Warning(s)/Additional Tag(s):** Major character death, sadness over losing someone dear  
>  **Author's note:** So hello, everyone. This might be short and it took me months to finish this because of life and work and other things, but this might be one of the fics I'm actually proud of. This self-prompt is actually a long time prompt that I've been keeping in my head and I thought that I should finally pour this out into a proper writing. This fic might be sensitive to those who are actually having a hard time in coping up with losing someone so dear to them (actually that's me) but I hope you will find the light by the end of the dark tunnel you are in right now. It's difficult to get back to your feet, but one day you will get there.  
> Thank you for reading, and also thank you to the mods for hosting the fest once again and giving me the chance to join the fest one more time! I hope NHE will last for a long, long time! Happy reading, everyone! Love you all!

_ Lena Park - In Dreams _

+++

_ What should I say? _

_ My heart is beating so fast _

_ We're meeting again _

_ Just like in the past, how we used to be _

Chanyeol flips his eyes open and finds Baekhyun is staring at him with an amused smile playing on his lips.

“Do you even listen to what I’m saying, you dummy?” Baekhyun’s melodic voice enters his eardrums and Chanyeol finds himself mimicking that smile. His chest grows warm at the sight of his lover watching him in amusement.

“Sorry. I guess I spaced out,” he mutters, a finger scratching his head to show that he is feeling the slightest of apology. He seeks for Baekhyun’s reaction and when he finds that his lover is struggling to keep himself from laughing out loud, Chanyeol heaves out a sigh. Upsetting Baekhyun is the last thing he ever wants to do.

“It’s okay, but that’s just because I love you. If you were someone else, I won’t hesitate to kick your ass!”

Chanyeol grins like a dumb. He is stupid, but that’s okay; he is dumb for love. Nothing and no one can replace the love he has in his heart for Baekhyun, and everyone knows that.

“I was talking about the fact that you skipped your meal again, Chanyeol. I don’t want you doing that again.” Baekhyun’s face is stern as he scolds him again. Chanyeol’s goofy smile drops from his face.

“How did you know that?” He asks back, his voice a little much smaller than he expects it to be. He feels guilty for making his lover worry.

Baekhyun’s face softens. “I just know, Chanyeol. I know you.”

Chanyeol doesn’t even want to worry his lover ever again.

“I will try to not skip any more meal.”

“Do you promise me?”

Making a promise when it’s going to be hard to fulfil it is not something Chanyeol usually does, but for Baekhyun, he will try his best.

“I promise.”

And if promising to be better is what will bring a smile back to Baekhyun’s face, then Chanyeol would do it over and over again.

_ I know that this a dream _

_ At this moment _

_ I'm not waking up _

_ If I can fall asleep forever… _

“Look up here!” Baekhyun’s voice is so cheerful that Chanyeol finds himself laughing again. He lifts his head to the angle that his lover wishes and lets him snap so many pictures of him. 

“You look so pretty here in the photos,” Baekhyun comments with a coo in his tone. Chanyeol likes being babied by Baekhyun, he loves it when his lover is complimenting him, telling him that he is good or doing his best. He loves it when he can make Baekhyun happy.

“Am I?” He asks, grinning. Baekhyun nods and scoots closer to where he sits, showing the pictures of himself that have just been taken a while ago. Chanyeol knows that he should be paying attention to the pictures being shown to him, but he can just focus on Baekhyun’s smiling face just a few inches from him.

He leans close enough to kiss Baekhyun on his cheek, stopping his lover from speaking any further.

When Baekhyun looks up to him, he shares a grin with the other.

“Being a thief again, aren’t you now?” Baekhyun muses with a cheeky smile. Chanyeol just sits there and grins like a kid, and that makes Baekhyun puts the camera down to squish his cheeks together in his hands.

Chanyeol laughs loudly.

_ You're holding me _

_ Like in the past _

_ It was hard that time, you cheered me up _

_ Holding my hands _

_ Telling my exhausted mind to rest _

_ Even now, your hands are warm like in the past _

“Chanyeol?”

His head snaps aside when he hears that melodic voice again. Somehow Chanyeol feels the guilt blooming in his chest. He disappoints Baekhyun again.

"Are you okay?" Baekhyun kneels in front of him, reaching for his hands. His bleeding hands.

"I'm okay, it's just a scratch-"

Chanyeol shuts his mouth immediately when he sees the worried look on his lover's face. He doesn't ever want to see that kind of look on Baekhyun, but here he is the one causing it.

"It's not a mere scratch, Chanyeol. You are hurt. The frame is broken. Why are you picking it up with your bare hands?"

Baekhyun's touch is gentle, just like usual. It's warm just like usual. It's the ordinary feeling, something that Chanyeol usually feels.

"I'm sorry." He murmurs, watching as Baekhyun wipes his hands clean.

"Don't be sorry. I don't want you to get hurt." Baekhyun says, reaching to hug him close.

Chanyeol reaches to hug him back, just as tight.

"Okay."

It's warm.

_ This is probably a dream _

_ But I won't let you know _

_ I'll do really well _

_ So you don't think of something else _

_ Don't go anywhere else now _

_ Just stay here with me _

_ I won't wake up _

_ I won't send you away anymore _

Chanyeol stares at the way Baekhyun sits there on the swing. The darling swings on his own slow pace, back and forth and just looking like he is having fun. The wind blows gently and Chanyeol feels like he is watching a beautiful drawing, so naturally beautiful that he finds himself so speechless.

Baekhyun glances at him with that soft smile hanging on the corner of his lips, looking very ethereal. When he blows him a soft kiss, Chanyeol holds a hand over his chest, feigning hurt. The tinkling laughter coming from Baekhyun is so melodically beautiful.

Call him stupid and dumb, or whatever you want, but he won't stop saying that Baekhyun is the most beautiful human being ever.

He is the luckiest to ever discover the feeling of love for this man.

_ Keep on holding me _

_ Like in the past _

_ It was hard that time, you cheered me up _

_ Holding my hands _

_ Telling my exhausted mind to rest _

_ Even now, your hands are warm like in the past _

_ Answer me _

_ That you were missing me like I was missing you _

There were hard times. Things are not always beautiful for both of them.

Chanyeol lost his dream. He almost lost his mind. And he almost lost Baekhyun.

It was quick. Too fast for his head to follow, but it all happened at the same time.

He lost his job. He got betrayed by a fellow colleague, with his possible dream job taken away before his own eyes. That was such a depressing phase for him, that he almost surrendered to the darkness in his head.

Baekhyun was there to catch him from falling. He was there and he was pretty much disappointed with how low spirited Chanyeol was. He was sad and angry and disappointed with how easy Chanyeol was to give up.

That was the first time that Chanyeol ever made Baekhyun cry that bad.

Baekhyun was there, staying by his side, telling him to take it easy. He told him that everyone got their own up and down, and that it would take time for everyone to recover from any bad thing. He told him to rest and to forget everything for a while.

I'm here, Baekhyun had said.

Chanyeol trusted him.

And he didn't fall into the deep darkness. 

_ Like a fool _

_ You're looking at me, who's just treasuring this moment _

_ With a pitiful smile _

_ "I'll go first now" _

_ You tell me apologetically _

_ Like me, you too _

_ Knew (That it was a dream) _

_ Nevertheless, thank you for trying to meet me like this _

The beautiful smile is there. It's lingering everyone he puts his eyes on.

It's Baekhyun's smile.

He stares out, suddenly feeling the numbness coming out of nowhere. He is confused. He feels empty.

The smile slowly disappears.

Chanyeol?

The voice calls for him, but it's sounding so far and so out of his reach. It echoes somewhere. Suddenly, Chanyeol feels as if he is standing in a deep cave. The voices he hears are echoing all over.

He is confused.

What is this he is feeling?

_ You're holding me _

_ Saying that it's goodbye _

_ I'll smile for you _

_ I don't wanna send you away like this _

_ You turn your back _

_ Like that time _

The smile returns. Instead of that happy beautiful smile, it's now a sad, pitiful one, yet still so pretty nonetheless.

Baekhyun reaches to hold a hand over his cheek. Chanyeol relishes how warm it is.

"I'll be going now." Baekhyun whispers softly, so gently, as if he is speaking to a crying little child.

Chanyeol wants to say no, he wants to hold him back, but he can't. He can't say anything or even move a single finger. It's as if he is frozen. As if he is being held back.

Baekhyun retreats his hand and warmth leaves him. Chanyeol watches as Baekhyun takes a step back away from him. The footstep echoes in this wide white room.

There is a tug in his chest. Chanyeol watches as Baekhyun takes another step away, and then another.

With all his courage, Chanyeol smiles back. He smiles as if he is trying to reassure Baekhyun that he will be okay. That he is okay.

He can't send Baekhyun away looking miserable and pathetic, so he musters the widest smile he could. So he can silently tell Baekhyun that he is okay.

It's a goodbye, Chanyeol.

The words echo in the wind.

Chanyeol feels the tremble of his smiling lips, and he urges his head to nod. To let Baekhyun know that he knows, that he understands, that he accepts the reality that their time is up. Their time together is over and it's time to wake up.

Baekhyun sends him the last and the most beautiful smile that Chanyeol has ever seen. That smile looks so free, so happy, so proud, so warm. That might be the most beautiful look of Baekhyun that Chanyeol has ever laid his eyes upon.

With a gentle hand wave, Baekhyun turns his back on him.

Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun's back, the love of his life walking away from him for the second time.

Yet, the feeling is different.

_ If I wake up from my dream _

_ Once again, I'll probably be alone _

_ You're going far away in the distance _

_ But now I'm used to it _

_ I'm going to cry now _

_ I don't wanna send you away again _

_ I can't see you _

  
  


Wake up, Chanyeol…

His eyes flip open and Chanyeol stares at the ceiling of his room. The room is completely dimmed, the temperature is rather cold.

Chanyeol sits up, the blanket falling down to his lap. He traces his palm over the empty space in the bed, still as cold and somehow he is used to this.

He is already getting used to the feeling of being alone.

He brings a hand up and touches his face, feeling the wetness of his tears. His chest hurts and his sobs rack up, coming out of his mouth in continuous sad grunts.

The feeling right now… he doesn't want to let go, but he knows that it's time he has to do so. He needs to come around with everything and accept the reality.

_ Now I open my eyes again _

_ My heart feels so cold _

Chanyeol stares through his tears blurred eyes at how the curtain blows from the wind. The window should be closed tight, but maybe it's time for him to step out of the darkness and to let the light comforts him with its warmth again.

Keep going, Chanyeol. I will love you forever.

The words echo in his ears and Chanyeol takes a shaky breathe. He nods, he nods his head, and he forces himself to smile.

Chanyeol rises up from his bed and opens the curtain wide to welcome the sunlight. It's going to be difficult for him to get back to his feet again, but he will do it. For himself. And for Baekhyun.

_ I will keep going, Baekhyun _

_ Thank you _

_ I love you _

_ I'm okay, don't ever come back again. _

Chanyeol circles the date on the calendar.

It's already the 49th day of Baekhyun no longer in his arms, no longer in his life. No longer in this world.

There are no more dreams.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Final Note:** If you manage to reach the end, thank you. So in conclusion, Baekhyun died and for the whole first 49 days, he visited Chanyeol in his dreams to help him feel happy and get better. You know the saying of how someone's soul is still with us on the first 49 days after they die? It's that concept. Baekhyun was still there, visiting Chanyeol repeatedly in his dreams because he knew his lover couldn't take the news that easily. When the 49 days were over, their time was up and it was time for Baekhyun to go to the afterlife. Chanyeol got back to his feet after falling in slump and finally accepted that he had to move on. There were no more dreams after that.
> 
> It's hard to accept the fact that someone we love and dear to us left us, but keep in mind that they always stay in our heart and memory forever.  
> Thanks for reading, everyone. Stay strong. <3.


End file.
